Now or Never Read online

  “So now that you know what I’ve been up to, what about you? Where the hell have you been?” Kidd asks as we roll along with the minimal morning traffic. “You just disappeared all those years ago. Like, you weren’t in jail this whole time, were you?”

  “No,” I reply and roll down the window to breath the ocean air. “Did my two years in juvie in Augusta. My dad was there to meet me the day I got out. He handed me some cash and told me he’d met a lady and they were in a good place and he didn’t need me messing that up so he wasn’t letting me move home.”

  “That’s fucking brutal. I mean I hate my old man and he hates me, but he’s never kicked me out,” Kidd says and I watch his face twist in sympathy.

  I shrug. “I was eighteen. It was legal. And honestly, it felt like a relief. So I called my aunt. My mom’s sister. She said I could crash with her in Boston if I paid some rent. I started bouncing in bars and taking community college courses. Then I got into construction. I drifted around New Hampshire and Mass for a while and ended up back here on a job. I remembered how much I liked Maine and Ocean Pines, so I decided to move back.”

  “I thought about going into construction, but those hours are insane, especially in the summer,” Kidd replies as he turns toward the beach. “I mean what the hell is the point of living here if you can’t spend your summer days chillin’ on the beach with some brews?”

  He grins at me and I force a smile and a nod then look out the window at the passing pine trees. I want to remind him that you aren’t allowed to drink on the beach, but he already knows that he just doesn’t care.

  He breaks at a stop sign and slowly starts to make a left-hand turn. He’s being really cautious and I’m appreciative. “You should come join us for beers tonight.”

  “You’ll be at the Brunswick, as always?” I ask and he nods. Good, now I know where not to go.

  “It’s this one on the right, isn’t it?” Kidd asks and points to the cedar-shingled two-story with the large front porch and the chipped blue trim.

  “That’s the one.”

  He pulls past it and then carefully starts to reverse, slowly positioning the Airstream on their small parking pad. He does a fabulous job and I sigh in relief that this went so smoothly. He turns off the engine and as we both hop out of his truck to unhitch the trailer, he turns to me. “So what are you doing here again, besides squatting?”

  “Jude wants some renos done to the inside and outside of the house,” I explain as I lower the trailer. “Updates to the kitchen and bathroom, new wiring, some new plumbing, appliances, a couple walls removed and paint and trim.”

  “He’s letting you do it?”

  I nod and wonder if I’ll regret telling him what I’m about to tell him. “I’ve started my own renovations company. He’s my first big job, but I’ve reno’d some kitchens and a couple baths in some other local homes on the side this summer, on top of working for Carter.”

  His eyes flare and he gives me a lopsided grin. “No wonder you don’t have a lick of a tan after one of our hottest summers on record. Dude, sucks to be you.”

  Oh God, Kidd, you’re hopeless.

  “Yeah, well, I’m hoping by next summer the business will be established and I can get some time off,” I say with a shrug. “And have enough cash to help out Bradie.”

  “She still smokin’ hot?” Kidd asks, his grin turning douchey.

  “She’s still my sister,” I reply with a warning stare. He chuckles.

  “You were always such a protective dick about her,” Kidd chuffs. “Easy, killer. I’m not after her. I have enough female problems.”

  Truth is I wasn’t protective enough over her and that’s why she barely talks to me now, but I am not about to get into that with Kidd. I appreciate all he’s done for me in the last two days, but I’m not about to make him a friend and confidant again. I reach in my back pocket for my wallet and pull out a stack of twenties. “Here ya go.”

  “A hundred?” he says counting them and I nod. He hands me back one. “Nah. You’re right, I was late.”

  I’m actually shocked by that, in a good way, and then Kidd adds, “And if you need any plumbing help on this job, I still know a thing or two from working with my miserable old man from when I was a kid.”

  “I’ll keep you in mind,” I reply vaguely.

  I take back the twenty, and as I stick it back in my wallet I hear the screen door slam. I glance up and Winona Braddock is standing on the stoop at the top of the stairs. Her hair is everywhere, she’s got mascara making rings under her eyes, and she’s in little shorts and a stained T-shirt. Somehow, though, she’s hot as hell, even with the snarl on her face.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m out of here,” Kidd announces and makes a beeline for his truck.

  I turn to look up at Winnie again. “Don’t leave your trailer here!”

  “It’s my trailer, not his,” I call back and she turns her eyes on me instead of Kidd.

  “Well why are you dumping it here?” she demands, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

  “Have you talked to your brother lately?” I ask, and she frowns.

  “He was just here yesterday, so yeah, I’ve talked to him,” she barks back. “But he never said anything about you dumping this tinfoil box here.”

  I glance over my shoulder at my home. I guess there are worse things she could have called it. And besides, I remind myself, she has a right to not like me, like most everyone else. I turn back to her. “He didn’t mention that he said I could stay here while I do the renos?”

  A flicker of confusion replaces the spark of anger in her hazel eyes. “What renos?”

  “Jude is renovating the cottage, mostly basic stuff but it’ll take about six weeks,” I tell her. “He gave me some old blueprints your dad had drawn up and I gave them to a local guy to double-check they’re all still good and applied for a permit with—”

  “I’m canceling it,” she interrupts, causing my words to stop and my heart to drop. “No renos. Not right now. You can move your camper somewhere else. Thanks.”

  She turns and heads back into the house, slamming the screen door and then the oak door that leads into the house off the porch. I sigh and run a hand through my hair aggressively before sagging against the outside of the trailer. I pull my phone out of my back pocket. It may be early to call Jude but I have to now. I don’t have a choice.

  I start to dial his number as I call out. “I’ll call your brother. He’ll explain everything.”

  4

  Holden

  The phone rings once before the oak door flies open again and Winnie reappears on the porch. Her cheeks are flushed, with what I can only assume is anger, but the look in her eyes is something else. Panic?

  “Hang up,” she demands as it rings a second time in my ear. She steps up to the screen. “Please hang up.”

  I hang up. She sighs so loudly in relief I can hear her down where I am. What the hell is up with this girl? I’m confused, even kind of annoyed, but also concerned. I take a step closer, toward the porch as she buries her face in her hands to muffle some sort of strangle cry sound she’s making.

  “Winnie?” I say tentatively. “You want to stop being a hot mess and tell me what’s going on? Then you can just be hot, without the mess part.”

  She looks startled by my remark, but it manages to wipe the scowl off her face.

  “My brother is saving the family once again,” she announces, dropping her hands from her face. “Dixie wants to get married here next summer so he’s fixing the place up. They’re my dad’s plans and Jude is taking it upon himself to see that they get done, finally. Of course he is, because Jude thinks it’ll help. Jude is a fucking fixer.”

  “Okay…” I assess her words. It sounds like she might be mad at Jude. Or her dad? Or life in general. Definitely that last one. For the first time since I moved back, I kind of wish I was a little bit more in the loop of this little town so I would know for sure. This town may be small
but it’s big on gossip. “But you don’t want me here?”

  “Of course I don’t!” she declares like I’m crazy to even ask. She runs her hands through her hair, but it does nothing to tame the mess it’s in. “You were a complete bag of ass toward me my entire life.”

  “That’s true,” I agree, and she freezes and blinks. “I didn’t know you’d be here. If Jude had told me that, I wouldn’t have asked to set my trailer here. I might not have even taken the job.”

  “Because why would you want to hang around Larry from the Three Stooges, right?” she snaps.

  “No. Because I know I was an ass to you and I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable in your own home,” I reply and once again she looks shocked. “I’m an adult now, Winnie. I’m not that much of an asshole anymore. I just want to do this job, and living on site makes it much easier.”

  I can tell she doesn’t believe me, not fully. Probably because she doesn’t trust me and that’s fair. I’ve been back in her world for about fifteen minutes and her memories—wounds, really—have been reopened. But my memories of her are coming back full force too, and I didn’t tease her because I hated her. I liked pushing her buttons. Teenage Winnie was beautiful but timid, and annoying her or insulting her brought out a fire in her…I liked it. Until she broke my nose. But something has to give here. Either she lets me stay and do this job, or I call Jude and tell him what’s going on and why I can’t. I am not just going to bail on him. And my only hope is he talks her into leaving or letting me stay, because I need this job.

  “Look, I don’t want to upset you, but if you keep insisting I leave, I have to call your brother because he’s the one that hired me and quite frankly,” I pause, “he’s the only one who can fire me. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I made plans based on this job.”

  Her expression softens. When she sighs this time it’s definitely more resignation than anger. “Fine. You can stay and do whatever it is you’re going to do as long as you can work around me. Because I’m staying here. I have to because…this is where I want to be.”

  Okay, that makes very little sense but whatever. “I can try to work around you, but it’s going to be loud and dusty.”

  “Great.” She replies with nothing but sarcasm. She turns to head back into the house but pauses and glances at me over her shoulder. “If you tell Jude I’m here, I will make your life a living hell. And I’ll enjoy it. Like I said, he’s a fixer and I don’t want him rushing over here and trying to fix me.”

  She heads back inside and slams the oak door again.

  What the hell have I accidentally walked into? Jesus, this is not the Winnie Braddock I knew as a kid. This woman…well she’s beautiful but she’s clearly broken. Like in a million pieces and I have no idea why.

  My phone rings. I look at it in my hand and see Jude’s name on the screen. I hold my breath and hit accept. “Hey, buddy! I just got to your place.”

  “Is everything all right?”

  Umm…not really. Your sister is here and she’s kind of spinning out of control.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Because you called me,” he replies, his voice confused and sleepy. “Like a couple minutes ago.”

  “I did?” I lie like I’ve always lied, perfectly. “Shit. I must have pocket dialed you or something. Sorry about that! I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  “I have a toddler. I haven’t slept since he was born. No worries,” Jude jokes easily. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “You have a kid, huh?” I say. Jude didn’t mention personal stuff when he called me yesterday. He just said he saw my flyer by the grocery store and recognized my name. He said he wanted a guy he could trust working on the place. That made me feel great. But then again Jude always trusted me, even when I was untrustworthy.

  “Yeah, he’s the best,” Jude replies. “And I married the most incredible woman. Zoey Quinlin. You remember her?”

  Zoey Quinlin? The hot redheaded pastor’s daughter Jude and just about every other guy had a crush on. “Seriously? Yeah, I remember her. She was a great girl.”

  “So are you starting work today or tomorrow?” Jude asks again.

  “Probably tomorrow,” I explain. “I just set the trailer up and I’m going to do a walk through later today. Will likely start in the kitchen.”

  “Cool.” Jude sounds nervous. “Keep me posted, okay? The place is ancient and you’re bound to run into unexpected problems.”

  “I’ve been working on renovations for years now. I’ve seen it all,” I tell him as I walk around to the door of my trailer and unlock it. “Besides, your family takes really good care of this place. I’m sure it’ll go smoothly. Does the rest of the family know about this or are you surprising them?”

  “It’s not exactly a surprise, but I haven’t really mentioned the details of what I’m doing to my family,” Jude explains, which is why Winnie was thrown for a loop. “And I haven’t mentioned that I’ve hired someone to start on it.”

  So that’s why Winnie doesn’t know. But why doesn’t she want him to know she’s here? “So what are your sisters up to these days anyway?”

  “Dixie and Sadie both live here in San Fran. Dixie is dating our goalie and works for the ALS Foundation. They just got engaged, God help him.” He chuckles. “Sadie is a nurse. She’s dating one of our coaches.”

  “Is Winnie dating one of your trainers or something?” I say jokingly.

  “Thank the hockey gods, no,” Jude replies and lets out a heavy breath on the other end of the phone. “She’s had the same boyfriend for like a decade. A Toronto guy. She lived here for a while, but just moved back there.”

  Huh. I feel a little let down that she has a boyfriend, which is weird.

  “So how is your family? Bradie? Your dad?” Jude says bringing my attention back to the conversation.

  “My dad is remarried and lives in Florida,” I explain. “We haven’t really been in touch since I got out of juvie. Bradie is here in Maine and has a kid. I’m trying to get back into her life. Honestly, we were never really close, but I want to change that. I’ve been trying to fix all the stuff I fucked up when I was a kid. People hold grudges. I’m actually surprised you would offer me this job. Grateful, but surprised.”

  “Dude, I’m not judging you for acting like a punk when we were kids,” he says easily and it makes me feel a wave of relief. Someone gets it. “Losing a parent destroys you no matter what age. And you were ten when your mom died and had zero support. I’m not holding that against you.”

  I appreciate him saying that. It really is a devastating thing to lose your mom at ten like I did. The whole world ends before it even began.

  “If people didn’t give me second chances I wouldn’t be married to Zoey, and I wouldn’t have my incredible son.”

  “Thanks, man. I won’t let you down,” I promise.

  “I’m counting on it. Okay, well I’m going to go back to sleep while Zoey makes Declan breakfast,” Jude explains and he lets out a sheepish chuckle. “Don’t forget to keep me posted. I’m fucking nervous as hell about this.”

  “I promise it’ll be fine,” I assure him. “I’ll treat it like it’s my own place.”

  “I know you will. That’s why I picked you for the job,” Jude replies. “Later, Holden.”

  He ends the call and I stick my phone in my back pocket and head into my trailer to make sure everything survived the trip. Nothing is out of place. I dig my Ray-Bans out of the junk drawer in my kitchen and shove them on and decide to head out for a walk, maybe grab some coffee. Then in a few hours, instead of using the key Jude gave me, I’ll knock politely on the door and tell Winnie I need to do a walk-through. Hopefully she’s in a better mood…or better yet, not even home.

  I walk slowly down the side streets of this little Podunk town and let the sun warm my arms and the ocean air clear my lungs. I used to fucking hate this place after my mom died. It felt like a prison, which is why when I got out of actual jail—well, juvenile detention—I m
oved away. I didn’t even care where I went; I just didn’t want to be here. But now there is nowhere I’d rather be, even though moving back here means having to prove myself and earn back people’s trust.

  I open the door to Cannon’s Corner Grocery and the little bell jingles happily. Unfortunately, the happy smile on Cat Cannon’s face dissolves when she sees me. She gave me the same reaction the last two times I’ve come in. “What do you want?”

  “World peace. A cure for cancer and a way to make you forgive me,” I reply bluntly as I take off my shades. “But I’ll probably have to settle for a coffee and a cinnamon bun.”

  “I should ban you,” Cat says, her bright red lips set in a tight line as she crosses her arms. “But it’s the off-season and I can’t afford to turn away people. Even thieving assholes.”

  “Thank God for that,” I mutter and head to the coffee station. I pour some hazelnut roast and add hazelnut creamer. Enough to cause a cavity but fuck it, it’s been a rough morning. I grab a strawberry milk out of the cooler and head to the counter where she’s already got my cinnamon bun waiting in a small bag. “You didn’t spit on it, did you?”

  “I didn’t think of it,” she replies honestly and then gives me a humorless smirk. “But I will next time. Four bucks even. Hurry up and pay so I can kick you out.”

  I pull a five from my wallet and hand it to her. She shoves it in the register and practically throws the dollar at me as I pick up my cinnamon bun. She watches me with angry blue eyes. “Why did you come back?”

  “Because I realized people can’t know how sorry I am if I’m not here to tell them,” I explain. “And they won’t know I’ve changed if I don’t show them.”

  “Wow. How selfish,” Cat barks back and I really wasn’t expecting that answer. “Maybe we don’t care if you’ve changed. Ever think of that? Maybe we just want to forget you ever existed.”